On Being Vulnerable

  I was talking to someone recently whom I met online in regards to the post break-up period. His story is similar to mine and we were both discussing our mutual apprehension over this weird period where your previous relationship is still fresh in your memory. Mostly the small, everyday occurrences that you miss the most. Here you are, mourning these and other things, while trying to look toward the future. Do you date? Who do you trust? Can you even trust? What if your ex comes back to you wanting to try again?

My friend asked me how I would handle meeting someone, like himself, who was also in the vulnerable stage. He wanted to know how you could recognize if you're feeling true feelings for someone, or is it just the "on the rebound" thing. Plus, having just been "dumped", the last thing you want is to get in the dating game and risk more rejections.

We both know people who have ended a relationship and immediately began trying to fill the void. Constant hook-ups, dates, always looking for the next guy to fill that emptiness. This road usually, in my experience, leads to deeper sense of loneliness. Almost manic expressions at an attempt to self heal the quick and easy route.

I know for me, I would love to have that void filled up immediately. It hurts like hell! I miss my ex terribly. Still not sure why he chose to leave me. Regardless, I also feel if I slowly make "friends" first and foremost, these are the people with whom a true relationship could develop. It's like I'll "know" when I meet someone, somewhere, and deep down inside have that thought "This might be worth pursuing!"

Having been truly "in love" twice in my life, I believe (and hope) I will recognize a true connection. This was the best advice I could offer my friend. That old saying, "No risk, no reward" just sucks. I'm also a little suspicious about "It's better to have loved and lost, then never to ...blah blah blah". There are days I'd like to find the person who first said that statement and kick em in the nuts!

I suppose the best we can do is take it one day at a time.....or one minute at a time in some cases. Avoid impulsive actions and keep your mind, and heart, sharp right now. Sort of like keeping your senses at a "yellow alert".

Then again, maybe I'll get lucky, be sitting at a coffee shop, look up, and see my soul mate looking back at me. Us both knowing and thinking, "He's the one!" I could also win the lottery, be People magazine's "Man of the Year, and get struck by lightning 100 times.