Too Many Goodbye's

Disclaimer:  Anyone who hates pity parties should stop reading now.

This time of year always gets me in a "blue" mood.  Partly because the weather here starts getting colder and grayer, and partly because the 12th is the anniversary of the loss of someone very special.  Even though it has been a few years since Richard died, I still feel like the wound is fresh.  Richard (Ric) was my partner, soul mate and friend.  So much of me died with him.

Come to think of it, this time of year also sucks because it's the 2 year anniversary that I lost my dream job.  Losing that was also like the death of a lover.  I suppose in many ways it is because after losing Ric, I threw myself at a career and wrapped myself up in it's comfort and security.  Evidently I'm still mourning that loss also. ( I need to skip Octobers)


My baby girl, Misty, died \earlier this year.  She was my dachshund that was given to me after Ric left.  She was my companion, friend, child, confidant.  Losing her was, and still is, a very hurtful experience.  Just as with Ric, I became the caregiver during the last few months together.  What sucks about this is you tend to become even closer and bonded during this period.  You focus on the small things, the moments and the seconds that are so special.  Sort of a paradox. 

Sometimes I think that our experience here is to learn a lesson.  This existence is sort of like a school for our souls (or something like that).  If that's the case, then the lesson I guess I'm supposed to learn is this........

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone".