Today's Grief Stage.....Pity

I have been naturally going through the cycles of grief, but today's feelings are not of myself, but for you Ardell. I pity the fact that you are missing out on all the little things you are now missing with the girls. The walks, bunny rabbit chasing, toy tug-of-war, and the looks in their eyes when they just seem to say, "You are important to me.".

I also pity that you have isolated yourself from the world, people, and life. I sort of understand since I went through this period of isolation myself. The difference was knowing that you were there beside me (so I thought) and represented a light at the end of the tunnel.

So, yes, I'm still confounded by the whole thing. You're the only one that can answer those questions. Still, I pity that you are so afraid of love, hurt, joy, pain, and all that makes us human.

Will always love you........always have a place for you.......but cannot promise that there may be a day that the place you vacated has been occupied by someone stronger....with a heart. Just like you used to possess.

You're missing out on so much. Again, I don't know what demons have suppressed the Ardell I once knew, but I do hope they find somewhere else to reside.....soon.

Still love you. Can't help that. Ginger and Coco say hi. Still looking for daddie Ardell everyday around 4:45 p.m. That's my hardest time too, for the record.

The Kiss

I want this...the romance, the trust, the bond.

THANK YOU BABE!

Thank you Ardell for seeing me today. I didn't get all the answers I needed but I see you're hurting for reasons you don't even know. We both know you keep it all inside.........that is going to be your undoing.

Just remember what I said....you always have a home. The girls will always be your girls too. I will always love you no matter what. I'm probably gonna scream and cry alot during this time.

Like I told you, after Ric died, I never wanted to love and lose someone again. I let you in after all those years finally made the hurt a little less painful. Now, you've left too. Very numb right now.

I'm worried about you. I can't help you.....helpless again like to so many others that I seem to be of no help. I want to hate you so much, but I can't.

When you couldnt take Misty's ashes because you said it would be too painful every time you saw them told me alot about you that I didn't realize. You do not yet have the courage to face true pain and hurt. I have so many times, it's become a part of my family now. I will tell you this, facing the pain and going through it will free you.

Now having lectured you on this just now, I on the other hand want to become unconscious and never wake up. Coco and Ginger keep me grounded. For now. They smelled you on me when I got home from your place.

So, remember, you can always come here, visit, walk the girls, whatever. I hope you find that demon that is driving you now.

Love you always.
K.

Ardell, It's Me Again..

It's time to talk. Whatever is inside you needs out. Let's get out of this limbo. Do I move on, are we on a hiatus? Help me understand. You're the only one that can explain. You have all the power.