Ardell, Glad You're OK Considering...

Ardell,

You have no idea how happy I was to get your email this morning. This whole mess sucks. One moment I'm empowered to move on, brush myself off, and get my life together. Then there are those waves of deep feelings of love that are still very much alive. Then comes the sadness of not knowing if you're thinking we might make it after you've done some soul searching, or it's over for good. I don't know! It makes my stomach hurt like crazy. Eating is like poison to me.

Crap! I wonder if the fact that now I don't have you on your terms, makes it all the more important to get you back. I want what I want. Now I don't know. I did a couple of weeks ago, but you're decision blindsided me.

Thanks again for the email. It was something important to me anyway.

ERASURE STOP

Give Up or Not?

I'm usually not a quitter.  Today I am.  Can't take the hurt.  Too much loss.  Too much pain.  I fucking give up.  What about the girls?  They are my purpose.  Is it enough.  I dont know if I can be any good to them. 

Holy fuck I hurt bad!  Was doing good on new medication.  Now today, I'm thinking very dark thoughts.  Me!  That's crazy!  It's fucking selfish to go that direction.  Still, I hurt so bad.

Message To Ardell

Dammit Ardell.  I miss you so much and it makes me crazy that I am so lost without you.  How could you abandon me now of all times?  I'm hurt, mad, sad, empty...and all those wonderful feelings.  Coco and Ginger look for you every day.  They won't eat!

I know you're sick of hearing this, but you truly don't know what you've got till it's gone!  I've had to learn that lesson over and over. 

Be safe, be happy, and above all else know that you are and have always been loved more than you will ever know.

Kev